Political BS

In honor of today's political circus in Illinois:

Understanding the GOP

• Anything that puts more money in the rich man's pockets is good.
• Birth control is bad. It lowers the supply of serfs, wage slaves and cannon fodder.
• Mittens, Newt, and San[c]torum don't seem to stand for anything so much as they just stand against things (and each other.)
• If it doesn't work, cut taxes on the rich. If it still doesn't work, cut taxes on the rich.
• The environment matters... except when it cuts into the profit margin.
• Science is too hard to understand, so it must be a lie.
• Our popularity ratings are down. Quick, let's start a war and wave the flag harder.
• Anything goes as long as it has the word "family" in the title.

Understanding the Democrats

• We're short on imagination and vision, but proud of our traditions. Ruts-R-Us.
• If it doesn't work, throw money at it. If it still doesn't work, throw more money at it.
• Obama doesn't need to stand for anything. He got this far without standing up for his 2008 promises, so why add more?
• There is no victory without compromise. Let's compromise everything and call it a victory.
• Accounting is too hard to understand, so it must be a lie.
• Our popularity ratings are down. Quick, hand out some more money.
• Anything goes as long as it has the word "family" in the title.
• Almost anything goes if it calls itself "Homeland Security" because that's too dangerous to criticize.

No apologies to the loud mouthed and empty headed partisans. Minor apologies to those who already saw me declare most of this on Twitter.