altivo: Running Clydesdale (running clyde)
[personal profile] altivo
Though I don't understand the $500 penalty for being honest.


This is fun to do!
The only catch is that you can't ask the person who posted it anything about it!
Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine.
Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine.
Title your response "My Bar Tab is$........"
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Did some X -- $15
Did cocaine -- $20
Did meth -- $25
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you--$40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Had sex with members of the same family -- $50
Had sex with 2 different people in the same day -- $50
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$50
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $100
Spit in someone's food --$25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25
Been raped -- $500
Have raped -- $200
Had sex with some one under 16 -- $300
Had sex with a dog -- $25
Had sex with a horse -- $50
Had sex with a cat -- $75 (add $50 if you tied it up so you didn't get scratched)
Have you ever had sex in a fursuit -- $100
Have you ever had sex while your partner wore a fursuit -- $100
Been spanked by a lover -- $50
Been whipped by a lover -- $ 100
Been fisted -- $150
If you know what "CBT" stands for -- $250
Used whip cream in bed -- $25
Used handcuffs in bed -- $50
Used a whip or paddle in bed -- $75
Ever imagined the person you where having sex with was some one else -- $100
If you have had a butt plug in for more then an hour -- $75
If you ever used any vacuum cleaner attachments -- $100
Had someone come climb in your bedroom window for sex so your parents would not find out -- $100
Used a blow up doll -- $50
Drove away from a car accident you caused -- $500
Cut yourself on purpose -- $100
Cut someone else on purpose -- $150
Pissed on some one -- $10 (Add $10 if they drank it)
Been pissed on -- $15 (add $20 if you drank it)
Shit on some one -- $20 (add $25 if they ate it)
Been shit on -- $25 (add $50 if you ate it)
If you have ever been shot -- $300
Dyed your hair -- $10
Dyed your pubes -- $20
If you ever ate your own cum (vaginal fluids for females)-- $20
Smoked while having sex -- $20
Ate a sandwich while having sex -- $50
Slapped someone across the face while fucking them-- $100
If you ever shoved a candle up someone's ass and lit it-- $200
Fucked someone while they were crying-- $300
If you have ever fucked a girl on the rag -- $100
If you ate her out after -- $200
If you have sucked your own cum out of a guy's ass -- $200
If you took this test and were completely honest add -- $500
Didn't use a condom -- $50
Got an STD -- $ 25
Have an STD -- $ 100
Planned to kill some one -- $50
Killed somebody -- $1,000
Add $5 for each tattoo and piercing you have
Add $10 for each scar over an inch long that you have

Tally it up and title it..."My Bar Tab Is $...."

Date: 2007-09-07 08:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] duskwuff.livejournal.com
Some of the value judgments apparent in this test are profoundly disturbing.

Date: 2007-09-07 08:21 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
If you can call them "values" at all. Yes, it's all just silliness.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] duskwuff.livejournal.com
Well, it's stuff like mere knowledge of the acronym CBT being considered $50 "worse" than having raped someone which really bothers me.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:19 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
And having raped someone isn't as bad as having been raped. Yeah. There was no rational thought behind this. At first I thought maybe it was one of those weird mathematical tricks where someone with the right key could reconstruct the "crimes" just by looking at the total. But that appears not to be true either.

Some of it is totally weird. Sex with a horse is worse than sex with a dog? Seems about equal to me. All piercings or tattoos count the same? Heh. Ears shouldn't count at all, they're so common.

My guess is, like so many memes, it was tossed together by some teenager with time on their hands. The heavy yet unimaginative focus on sex acts makes that seem really likely.

Date: 2007-09-08 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellmutt.livejournal.com
Yep, all those points irked me too. What's so bad about cognitive-behavioural therapy anyway? Or Puerto Ricans?

$540 bar tab for meeee.

Date: 2007-09-08 11:44 am (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Umm. Well, I'd have guessed you could legitimately deny a lot of those, but that has to be a record low score.

I thought the Puerto Rican thing was particularly obtuse.

Date: 2007-09-08 08:25 am (UTC)
hrrunka: Attentive icon by Narumi (nar attention)
From: [personal profile] hrrunka
yet unimaginative

Yeah. Even by claiming the $500 for "honesty" and stetching a few other points I still fall well short of a grand, so it's missing something... ;)

Date: 2007-09-08 11:42 am (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
"Is he really good?"
"Really sir, he's too good at least."

I had no idea. Tsk. ;p

Date: 2007-09-07 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kint.livejournal.com
And since you're not supposed to be asked about your results, it skews you towards looking 'worse' or...something

Date: 2007-09-07 08:34 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Or something, though I'd think you want that to work the other way. As [livejournal.com profile] zetawoof points out, the relative values of the "offenses" are not at all logical, whether you look at it from any political or religious direction I can think of.

Date: 2007-09-07 08:33 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (altivo blink)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Uh, you started young, eh?

Date: 2007-09-08 04:26 am (UTC)

Date: 2007-09-07 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vakkotaur.livejournal.com

I suspect that the $500 charge for honesty is there to expose anyone who doesn't read things through and posts an amount less than $500. As for the rest, yes it does seem screwy. I am particular amused that in at least one case just knowing about something has a charge, but it doesn't seem to matter whether or not one has participated in that something.

Date: 2007-09-07 08:56 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Yes, and it was a hefty charge too. Ouch! (No pun intended.)

Date: 2007-09-07 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gabrielhorse.livejournal.com
Ugh... offenses, penalties- it just gives me a headache. Judging from the few I glanced at, I'd be in the triple digits at the very least :P

Date: 2007-09-07 09:49 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
If you answer it honestly, you have to add $500 for being honest. Given that, nearly anyone over 18 or so is going to break a thousand.

Date: 2007-09-10 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gabrielhorse.livejournal.com
:P sounds dumb- in protest for being penalized for honesty, I refuse to waste my efforts >>

Date: 2007-09-10 05:07 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (rocking horse)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
It's OK. I like you anyway. :)

Date: 2007-09-10 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gabrielhorse.livejournal.com
:) Let's say I've done most of the good ones on that list :P

Date: 2007-09-10 05:54 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (rocking horse)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
I could have guessed that.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibiabos.livejournal.com
$3,210 here!

ummm ... I'm a little short ... <.<

Date: 2007-09-07 09:51 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Holy... Hannah. Was there anything on there you didn't get charged for? No, you aren't supposed to answer, though I can think of a couple you probably haven't done.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibiabos.livejournal.com
Dunno if it tells too much to mention there were 44 items on my bill.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibiabos.livejournal.com
... out of a possible 105 by my count total on the list, so somewehere between 1/2 and 1/3rd of the possible items on the list.

Date: 2007-09-07 10:19 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (altivo blink)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
I imagine you can tell whatever you like. We just aren't supposed to ask questions.

Date: 2007-09-07 10:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] duskwuff.livejournal.com
I did the math... the maximum (ignoring multiple tattoos and piercings) is somewhere around $8,000.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibiabos.livejournal.com
Masturbated -- $10

Is that per incident? If so, I may have to revise my bar tab up.

*checks*

Way up.

*checks*

Way way up.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:51 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Nope. It's "if you have ever" so you get multiples for the price of one except in the case of piercings and tattoos I think.

Date: 2007-09-07 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songcoyote.livejournal.com
Er... yeah. I've had an... interesting life, I guess. A couple of these were technicalities, but I figure they count.

$4230 including the $500 for complete honesty.

My Purity Score currently hovers just over 20% on a 400-question test :)

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

Date: 2007-09-07 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibiabos.livejournal.com
Whoah, that beats me!

Thankfully the masturbation charge isn't per-incident. :P

Date: 2007-09-07 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songcoyote.livejournal.com
Thankfully indeed, or I'd need a 2nd mortgage :)

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

Date: 2007-09-07 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songcoyote.livejournal.com
It's amazing how much kinkiness, bisexuality, and a certain willingness to experiment with mind-altering substances will lower your purity score ;)

My life is in some ways much quieter than it once was!

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

Date: 2007-09-07 10:20 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Uh, and I thought I had you figured mostly.

Those "purity" quizzes are just as absurd as this one. What do they mean by "pure" anyway? You have to be pure something and it could be anything and still be 99.44% pure.

Date: 2007-09-07 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] songcoyote.livejournal.com
Yeah, well... I've lived a pretty interesting life; see my response above to [livejournal.com profile] zetawolf. My life is rather more sane and sedate now (though a poly house still keeps it quite lively) and a lot of the serenity I've found is because I experimented carefully and found peace even among the chaos.

As for the bar tab, well... it's fairly analogous to the purity test, so it's little surprise how high my tab is. And by purity I think they mean "how much or little have you despoiled yourself as defined by a rather prudish Ameri-centric perspective". It's also a convenient and evocative moniker that is easy to remember and pronounce ;)

I like to think I'm at least 99.44% pure me :D

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

Woot?

Date: 2007-09-08 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keeganfox.livejournal.com
As per the instructions, "My Bar Tab Is $1,385". I dunno if that's good or bad. It's not a particularly well thought out quiz.

Re: Woot?

Date: 2007-09-08 12:47 am (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
It seems the only point of it is to tease, making people wonder which things you did to get to the total but not letting them ask. And of course it's a trap for anyone who comes up with a score under $500 because they must be lying. ;p

Date: 2007-09-08 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calydor.livejournal.com
Mine amounts to 930 dollars. Pff, my life is so boring.

Date: 2007-09-08 11:46 am (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (Default)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
You are self-isolated. In your case, we should count virtual behavior too...

Date: 2007-09-08 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calydor.livejournal.com
No we shouldn't. I can't afford that.

Date: 2007-09-08 01:27 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (wheelhorse)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
;P

You don't have to actually pay. Just count it up for us.

Date: 2007-09-08 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drelonek.livejournal.com
I saw this somewhere else and I'm fairly sure a few of those are added. I didn't notice the honesty thing before when I messed around with it.. hmh.

Maybe I'm just not paying attention.

When I added mine up, sadly, most of mine came from knowing what CBT means. *mutters*

Date: 2007-09-08 10:25 pm (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (running clyde)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Tsk. And how did you ever find out about that? ;p

Date: 2007-09-10 09:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cabcat.livejournal.com
What an odd meme o.O

Date: 2007-09-10 11:11 am (UTC)
ext_39907: The Clydesdale Librarian (heavenly)
From: [identity profile] altivo.livejournal.com
Just a way to brag about how naughty you've been (or haven't.)

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