Difficult times

[altivo]

I haven't posted for weeks, I know. From the time of that last post the distractions and time demands have been extreme.

The biggest highlights (or maybe low points) have been illnesses and deaths in my mate's family, including an uncle at Thanksgiving, sister-in-law a week later, and then his mother on December 20. Needless to say, this has been a gray and gloomy season for us. He spent several weeks in Chicago sitting in hospital rooms and dealing with stressful and difficult situations, while I stayed home and took on all the animal responsibilities which made for very long days indeed here.

The final straw was his mom's passing. She had surgery for cancer in November, and was in chemotherapy. Finally starting to improve, we thought, when a stroke hit her. He was there with her when she went to bed as usual and couldn't be awakened the next morning. Back to the hospital for the third time in a month, where she died without regaining consciousness two days later. Gerri was a kind and generous woman and we will all miss her very much, though at age 83 she had in fact been occasionally expressing a wish for her succession of medical difficulties to come to a final ending.

We're trying to return to a semblance of a normal schedule now, but it's taking a bit of a shakeout to get back onto the rails. I intend to return to a more regular posting schedule with the new year, if I can.

Comments

[moonhare]

My condolences to Gary, and you.

My own dad passed away in November, a week after we had to commit mom to "The Home." I keep saying things will be better but I'm losing my shine from all this.

[altivo]

I'm really sorry to hear that news. This has been a terrible year all round, I think, from the great drought to the "fiscal cliff" and it still continues.

[moonhare]

It was a surprise, but not unexpected.

And I've missed your posts as well. Likewise I thought something had to have happened with you (though I hoped it was nothing more than irritation with world events).

[songdogmi.livejournal.com]

I've missed your posts, but I was afraid it was something like this that prevented you from writing. My condolences to you and especially to Gary. That's an awful lot of loss all at once.

[altivo]

Yes, it's a lot of adjustment to make. I'm more experienced with loss, now being the eldest remaining member of my family, but Gary is picking up and moving forward pretty well now. One good thing that came of all this: his brothers have been pulled back together and are talking/sharing with one another again, after nearly 20 years of stiff-necked stubbornness.

[merik]

My deepest condolences to you both. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to encounter so much sadness in so short a time.

While the unpleasantness in my 2012 pales in comparison to yours and to the 2012s of some other friends, it was still a year I'm glad is but a few hours away from being over and done with. May 2013 be a better year for us all.

[altivo]

Thanks and amen to that wish. I'm not confident that the morons in Washington are going to improve any time soon, though. The weather concerns me too. Another year of drought like 2012 is going to be extremely destructive here.

[schnee]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry; my most heart-felt condolences to both you and your mate.

I've actually thought of you occasionally, wondering "hey, whatever happened to ? he's not posted anything in a while", and I always thought I should get in touch and see what's up, but of course every time I got home again, I'd forgotten about it. I'm glad to hear from you again; I wish things would've been less bleak for y'all there.

Hang in there, both of you.

[calydor]

I found myself thinking the same thing, Schnee, and like you I never got around to sending a message just stating, "Hey, what's up? Haven't heard from you in a while."

Perhaps this is the big curse of acquaintances and friendships across the internet. Someone can all but vanish off the face of the earth, and it will be weeks if not months before his friends start wondering whatever happened to 'that guy'.

Altivo, you have my deepest condolences for your and Gary's losses. I've never been good at these things, I always feel that whatever I say comes out as lame platitudes, but know that you both have many people who care about what happens in your lives.

[schnee]

Perhaps this is the big curse of acquaintances and friendships across the internet. Someone can all but vanish off the face of the earth, and it will be weeks if not months before his friends start wondering whatever happened to 'that guy'.

Oh, absolutely! I think it's due to how content is pushed to us: we don't have to poll someone and talk to them, we just see their updates on our friends page (or wherever) when they happen; when they cease updating, we'd have to switch mental models and starting polling them after all. But in the absence of updates from them, there's nothing to remind us, to trigger that switch.

I think that's one of the big downsides of this form of communication: people aren't really on our minds anymore to the extent they used to be.

BTW — totally unrelated, but I love that icon of yours. :)

[altivo]

There never really is a "right" thing to say. It's good to hear from you, even under the circumstances. Shadow_stallion (Stormy) was just asking this morning if anyone had heard from you lately.

[altivo]

Thanks and hugs. At the moment we're mostly concerned just with keeping warm. Though 2012 was the warmest year on record here, at the moment the temperatures are in single digits of Fahrenheit. That's cold!

[schnee]

*hugs* MMMMMmm.

Oh, yes, I'll say — that's quite cold indeed! We've had temperatures like that a year or two ago on one occasion, but it's a very rare occurrence, and everybody complained about how bitterly cold it was then.

[chibiabos]

Sincere condolences from myself as well. This has not been a good year, and on the 26th -- just 5 days ago -- 4 of my friends perished as well on an icy Oregon highway, on their way up to a New Years gathering for an bi-annual gathering of friends (we also traditionally meet around the 4th of July) I was attending as well.

[altivo]

Seems your news is as bad as ours. There is little we can do under these kinds of circumstances other than pick ourselves up and move onward. *hugs*

[sabbath_silverclaw]

My most heartfelt condolences go out to you and Gary. There is nothing that can be said that doesn't sound cliche or someone has said a hundred times to you already. All I can think of to give is a virtual hug.

Just know that we share your pain. You have been missed. I am glad to know that the spectre of death hasn't taken you from us, yet.

*hug*

[altivo]

I have no plans to depart this life any time soon, though admittedly we don't always have control of the circumstances. *hugs back*

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs tight* Though I knew part of this because of the timing of my last email, I'm still terribly saddened by it. Especially as the sorrows only continued to grow in number.

My heart goes out to the two of you. May brighter suns and warmer rains both fall equally upon you in this new year.

[avon_deer]

Hoping that 2013 treats you both a bit better.

[(Anonymous)]

Goodness...

my heart goes out to the two of you, having to deal with this at the holiday season. Not the way I'd want families to be pulled together for the season... *hugs*

Do what you gotta do, my friend. Hang in there.